The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
