nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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