I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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