never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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