Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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