You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
