Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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