Duck Duck Cougar?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
