i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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