so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
