Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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