but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
