I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
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I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
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Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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