just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
