If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
