I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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