went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
