I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
