The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
