can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
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I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
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I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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