Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
