I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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