Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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