If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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