If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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