sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
