we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
