Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dear god my vagina.
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