Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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