if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
literally had 100 drinks last night.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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