when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize
