she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
