becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
