What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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