OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
