seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
