Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So many bounce houses so little time
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
