I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
