i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize