We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
