Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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