Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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