My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
