I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize