You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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