He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
