I wanna bring you to show and tell
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
