My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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