No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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