you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
