Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
