just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
