i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
