I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
