If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
