Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
