he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
