My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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