Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
