You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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