Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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