I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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