Porn is love you can see.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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