Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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