i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
