he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
