operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
