Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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