dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just pee around me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
