If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
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So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
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My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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