She is in my trunk
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
