I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
