it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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