There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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