i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
