Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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