even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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