Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
