mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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