how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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