; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
