I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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