I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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