you would pick up someone in the library
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
