My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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