Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
