Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
