i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up