Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.