i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.