I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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