Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
