i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
