I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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